Monkey Tricks & Growing up in Black and White

Before he walked independently Kutty V used to push a little green plastic chair around for support. He can now walk independently and moves like a bite sized tornado! In the morning rush earlier today, I watched him pushing his chair and didn’t think much about it. My lil monkey then proceeded to push it all the way to the kitchen island, start climbing it to get the water jug that was on top of the counter – all in a bid to create a water puddle in which he can play!!!

Veer and I were watching the classic oldie “Jeena Issi Ka Naam Hai” on our iPad.

He says to me “Mom, the video is in black, white & grey.”

Me: “Yes, this is really old Veer, like when tata was a little boy.”

Veer: “Mom were you black and white while growing up?”

Just how old does he think I am??? 

My chalk and cheese

I just realized that I haven’t blogged too much about Kutty V. He just turned one a couple of weeks ago and I feel that the year has flown by in a blink. My two boys are as different as chalk and cheese! They also look as different as chalk and cheese except when they are sleeping and then they look exactly alike!  As a single child, I never quite get sibling dynamics and at the ripe old age of 32 I will never get it! It will always be something that is exclusive to both the boys and that I can never be a part of. It amazes me that a 4.5 year old will give up his toys and literally do anything to make this 1 year old smile and laugh. And this 1 year old will call and shout and basically do anything to attract his older brother’s attention. Kutty V can wave hello and bye. He can give us a high five. He can climb stairs and is figuring out how to climb down. He climbs into and squats in his brother’s “Veer” chair and attempts to play with all of Veer’s action figures before he wakes up. He thinks he is having a very serious conversation sometimes and yells at us when he is mad. He shakes his head when he doesn’t want something and he is almost ready for the big boy car seat!

I have been more chilled out with Vaasu’s first year than with Veer’s first year. I promised our pediatrician that I will not freak out about every little cough and sniffle and I didn’t. In certain ways, I have cherished Kutty V’s year one differently from Big V’s. Because all said and done, he is probably my last and I know that I will never experience these firsts again.

Judging and Being Judgmental (Or Plain Mental!)

Some people are born without filters in their head! You know the one that says – “Wait a minute, What you are saying sounds completely inappropriate/moronic/offensive etc.” Recently, I am encountering grown – ups who seem to have lost that filter! Under normal circumstances, I wouldn’t care how people behave or what people say. But the reason for this whole post is that I have to deal with these filterless people and the total nonsense they are spewing! At the expense of being totally bitchy, I wish to develop such an annoying habit and annoy people. I know that I will never do that knowingly. I will quietly accept it and then proceed to rant with D or you my readers.

All my married life, I have dealt with in-appropriate “aunty” questions.  You know the questions people ask when they have nothing to say to you. “When do you plan to have kids” tops that list. Now since they cannot ask me that anymore (Take that aunties!!) I thought I was done with that question! Recently, I had a friend and her family over for dinner and I encountered a variation of this question that left me quite speechless. Let me proceed to recite the event as it happened.

Uncle to me: How long have you lived in the US.

Me (Smiling): I have lived here exactly 10 years uncle. I will be married 10 years this year.

Aunty to me: So you had kids late!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Filter aunty, filter. Think about what you are saying! You don’t know my circumstances. I don’t need to explain to you when and why I chose to have my beautiful babies.

If you can't fly then run...

As if I don’t have enough craziness in my life at the moment, we sold and bought a home in the last month! I would not recommend people take this project on when they have an infant, a young one and health problems that seriously inhibit ability to lift/load boxes. To say that it was the most stressful time of my life would be putting it mildly. But it CAN be done and even through the madness I was telling D that it will help me feel that I can accomplish something. Of course, it wouldn’t be possible without the incredible support of my wonderful husband D. Now comes the fun second part – unpacking all the said boxes that have been packed. In an ironical twist of events, I have become obsessed with getting rid of belongings beyond what is necessary for our functioning. Why is it ironical you ask? Because we moved from a small home to a significantly larger home that is capable of storing all the stuff that has accumulated over the years.  My strategy is to remove all objects that I have sentimental value too but don’t actually use, clothes that I “hope” to fit into one day, street jewelry from college days that are no longer fashionable, baby stuff that both my little ones have outgrown/don’t use anymore. I have been donating or trashing as is applicable. It feels good! It feels incredibly good to be clutter free.

As I have mentioned in past posts having two children can sometimes feel like life is spinning out of control. I have adopted a few little strategies to make me “feel” better. I have made a resolution to unpack atleast one box a day - Now that could be a big giant box (if I had the time, like on a weekend) or a tiny little one if it was one of those crazy weekday evenings. The second one, I need to loose the pregnancy weight I gained with my first baby (4 years ago!!) and with my health conditions this is quite a challenge. I aim to hit the treadmill (the exercise that I CAN do with all my health issues) for 30 minutes, 3 times a week. So far I am up to 2 times and finally last week, I hit 3 times. Even if I am exhausted, frustrated or in pain (my three predominant emotions nowadays) I put on the socks and sneakers and head down to the basement. I have stopped watching talk shows or movies at this time but blast music. Admittedly this is Bollywood, Tollywood or Kollywood music from the early 2000s but the rule is it is fist pumping music that keeps me going. My pace is slow, it takes me over 20 minutes to cover a mile. So in 30 minutes I am not much over the one mile mark but at the moment, it is consistency I am looking for. Not sooo much the pace or the calorie loss. And last but not the least, I am taking a 15 minute for myself before I go to bed to read a book, browse Facebook or catch up on the news.

Is life perfect? Far from it. I still don’t get a word in with my spouse at home. I don’t get enough one on one time with Big V as I would like. I am pretty much catering non-stop to my family’s needs from the time I open my eyes. However, I feel good that I am in control with sections of my life. During one of the low moments I saw a quote that has stuck. I have it up on a sticky note at work:

If you can’t fly then run.

If you can’t run then walk

If you can’t walk then crawl

But whatever you do you have to keep moving forward

Imagination at Work

Instance # 1

The other day Big V came home coated and I mean coated with mud/sand. Sand was all over his clothes, his hair, his nose, his toes and finger nails!! I have captured our conversation word to word below (Well at least his side of the conversation is verbatim)

Me: What did you do? Roll in the sand pit?

Big V: No, we threw sand on each other.

Me: Now, why would you do that?

Big V: Because we imagined it wasn’t sand.

(I am highly amused at this point)

Me: What did you imagine it was?

Big V: We imagined it was snow!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Instance #2

I was busy washing Lil V's bottles and Veer was sitting at the table giving me company.

Big V: Mom do you know that Michelangelo's (of the Ninja Turtle's fame) middle name is John

Me: Ok. (I was quite preoccupied and never really into superheros as a child. Hence I had no idea if this was true or not) Who told you this?

Big V: I dreamt about it.

Who am I to judge? - Rant Post

So I have to come out and say it because if I see it one more time I will scream… As a full time working outside of the home mom, I am perpetually scrambling to get everything done. What is this “working outside of the home” business? Does the world think that moms who work outside of the home sit with their feet up and drink lemonade when they are at home?

Well yes, it’s a choice I made. To be able to live the kind of life that I want and provide a certain kind of life for my children and for my general sanity I need to have a job. As a full time working outside of the home mom I co-ordinate my kids play dates, birthday parties, activities that they participate in, their day-care schedules. I plan & cook all their meals, I buy all their clothes, I schedule and go to all their doctor visits, I pick and drop them up from day care - All this in addition to meeting some of mine and my husband’s needs.  I don’t get breaks or “Me” time because my husband works just as hard as me. I don’t get to shove the kids onto my husband and stroll through the aisles of Target or whatever. Keep aside the fact that I have never strolled through the aisles of Target even before I had kids. Maybe some sojourns at Barnes & Noble or a Starbucks (one never gets to idle time away at a Dunkin!!) I wake up earlier than the rest of my household to hand wash and sterilize my infant’s feeding bottles and pack my older one’s lunch. I spend a bulk of the Sunday evening cooking dinners for the family. I think you get the point – I do everything for my kids in addition to holding down a full time job at which I am fairly successful, if I may say so myself. I don’t come home to a sleeping child! I haven’t missed either one of my children’s milestones. I heard the first words, I saw the first smile, the first crawl and several other milestones that my older one has already hit and can’t wait for my younger one to do them as well. They are healthy, happy, well – adjusted, intelligent children.

And I am not the only one who does this! There are several other wonderful women who do exactly what I am doing. We don’t have the time to shout it from the rooftops! Will I do it differently if I had a choice? Probably not! I am going to end my rant with the wonderful line that I hate from the bottom of my heart – “I am sure everyone has their reasons and I am not one to judge.”

Of memories and nostalgia

Last weekend was a big milestone in our household. My older V graduated preschool!!! At his daycare it is called Kindergarten Prep or K-Prep so he had a K-Prep graduation. These are kids who have literally grown up in front of my eyes and I have seen them transition from babies to young boys and girls. The teachers had put up a 15 min presentation which was a compilation of photographs from the year that was. Watching this video, I could almost feel the nostalgia that these kids are going to feel when they see this at their high school graduation. I studied in the same school for my entire schooling years so I literally grew up with the same bunch of girls (All girls’ Catholic school) from ages 3 to 16. I have distinct memories from my school days and thanks to the proliferation of social media, I am able to keep in touch with some of them. I hope that these kids when they look back a few years from now have the same nostalgia that I feel and also cherish the memories they are making.

On a slightly unrelated note, I spent some time looking over the blog posts of yore and it struck me how much life has changed for me in the last 11 years of writing this blog. So this is not just a journal for big and lil V but also for their Mama and I hope they enjoy reading it as much as I enjoy documenting it for them.

Why are you proud of me?

Today was a HUGE mommy moment for me. One of epic proportions! I tell Veer every morning that I love him and his dad and I are proud of him. I have pretty much been saying this to him from when he has understood what I am saying.  For the first time today, when I told him that I loved him and I am very proud of him and he turned to me and said “Why?” I went “Huh?” He said “Why are you proud of me?” Of course, I promptly had an answer “Because you are a super awesome big brother.” I have never meant to say it just for the sake of saying it and truly meant it, however, him asking me back why I was proud of him was a big moment for me! Seems like it is becoming my tag line for these blog posts but I love my babies and I feel they are growing up sooooo fast

Old wine in an even older bottle

It is incredibly hard for me to express my thoughts in 140 characters or less. There I have said it – I am old school. I need to publish a blog post. Ah how times have changed in the last 11 years since I started this blog!

Theri – What a blitzkrieg of promotions!!!!! So for the first time in my life I actually contemplated watching a Vijay movie in the theatre. Thankfully better sense and lack of company prevailed and I watched the movie online. In this day and age of fantastic short films and amazing directors, I cannot believe that they decided on this story line. This story is as old as the hills and the treatment is older than most hills!!! The music pre-dates the music director who made the music. It probably boils down to high expectations but all through the promotions the director kept talking about how his movie has a message and the message was that good fathers are very critical and can help shape society. Now that is indeed a good message to give to society, albeit a slightly sexist one. However, this good father message comes at the end of the movie for all of probably 2.5 minutes. The rest of the movie is a good old fashioned cop revenge story avenging the death of his loved ones. Had the treatment been different it would have still appealed to me. However, besides a hero introduction song where the hero keeps changing colored sunglasses (The biggest in-thing now. Guilty as charged) there is nothing new. For instance, the hero asks his wife what she would like in life or some such thing and she goes into this dreamy speech about wanting to live in a place without cell phone connectivity (Lady, it’s 2016 - How exactly do you propose to live this way? That too with a guy who sang – Facebook le pichikidum like and share than) and 15 seconds later she is shot dead. However, she miraculously comes back to life after the goons leave the scene of the crime to drag herself up two flights of stairs, wrap her baby in a towel, drag herself and said baby downstairs and rouse her unconscious husband and tell her that if they get the baby to the hospital in 15 minutes she will be saved AND (wait for it!!) she hands the baby to her father only after he promises to resign as a cop. She then proceeds to die, I presume but she doesn’t come back so it’s a pretty safe assumption to make. The husband who manages to save the daughter and himself could not save his wife – Again 2016!!!  Now during the process of wooing her, he woos her entire family and even welcomes them into his house with an aarti after the marriage. Miraculously after the death of his wife that family is completely AWOL!! What happened to the whole spiel about how his father – in – law is now his dad and so on?

The movie is ridden with clichés such as this and I have come to strongly believe that the team knew that they didn’t have much going so to promote the hell out of the movie. This will bring in an audience for the first few days and they can recover their investment before the Twitter and Facebook pundits words get out. 

The Paddling Duck

Have you ever seen a swimming duck - The kind that looks calm and unruffled but is paddling frantically under the water surface? That was me for the last 5 years.

For the most part of my life, I have been someone who has been in complete control of any given situation. I can predict exactly how a situation will turn out and very very rarely have I been wrong about a person. (Please note I said “Will” as opposed to “Must”. I used to be that confident in my abilities)

However all that changed a little over 4 years ago, when my older child was born. I realized very quickly, in fact early on in my pregnancy that there are some aspects of life that one just cannot control and you just have to let them happen. Now this was incredibly challenging for me, one (aka my husband) would say had been frustrating for me. It impacted me to such an extent that it took a toll on my physical health! It was basically my inability to come to terms with my lack of control.

Maybe it has to do with me growing older; maybe it has to do with me hitting rock bottom and then coming to terms with my lack of control; maybe it has to do with me being better prepared for every possible outcome of a given situation but with the birth of my second child I have mellowed down. Everyone and I mean everyone (including me) thought I would crumble rapidly after I lost the help and support of my mother who stayed with us 6 months after Vaasu was born. When my mom was leaving, I told her that I might be on the next flight over with both kids in tow. However, almost a month to the date we are all still surviving. Everyone is getting fed, bathed and put to sleep at a reasonable time. Everyone makes it to daycare in one piece and I make it to work at a reasonable time with or without some baby spit up on my clothes.

Do I have situations that I just cannot do anything about?

Yes

Do I have situations that are frustrating and make me want to scream?

Yes

Do I have situations where in spite of extensive planning there is one little thing that must have slipped and that is the one thing that will happen?

Yes

However, I have learnt to take it in my stride. I have learnt that things are not as bad as they seem and more importantly I have learnt that things will get better and to differentiate between situations that I can control and situations that I cannot control and for once A is not a grade I am aspiring for.

Play Mr.Fa Mamma

On our way into work/school this morning Big V says to me, “Mamma play Mr.Fa for me.” It didn’t take me a moment to realize exactly what he is asking for as the first time I heard that song that was exactly what I thought it was. So some 20 years after I first heard it, my older one and I sang “Mulgade shipe friendshipa…” The song ends and now his request is “Mamma I want to listen to Kokku Saiva Kokku”. Ladies and Gentlemen we have a bonafide early 90s ARR fan on our hands… Woot!! Woot!!!

PS: I am working on a longer blog post but I want to prevent this blog from dying and hence putting a quick post up!