The Paddling Duck

Have you ever seen a swimming duck - The kind that looks calm and unruffled but is paddling frantically under the water surface? That was me for the last 5 years.

For the most part of my life, I have been someone who has been in complete control of any given situation. I can predict exactly how a situation will turn out and very very rarely have I been wrong about a person. (Please note I said “Will” as opposed to “Must”. I used to be that confident in my abilities)

However all that changed a little over 4 years ago, when my older child was born. I realized very quickly, in fact early on in my pregnancy that there are some aspects of life that one just cannot control and you just have to let them happen. Now this was incredibly challenging for me, one (aka my husband) would say had been frustrating for me. It impacted me to such an extent that it took a toll on my physical health! It was basically my inability to come to terms with my lack of control.

Maybe it has to do with me growing older; maybe it has to do with me hitting rock bottom and then coming to terms with my lack of control; maybe it has to do with me being better prepared for every possible outcome of a given situation but with the birth of my second child I have mellowed down. Everyone and I mean everyone (including me) thought I would crumble rapidly after I lost the help and support of my mother who stayed with us 6 months after Vaasu was born. When my mom was leaving, I told her that I might be on the next flight over with both kids in tow. However, almost a month to the date we are all still surviving. Everyone is getting fed, bathed and put to sleep at a reasonable time. Everyone makes it to daycare in one piece and I make it to work at a reasonable time with or without some baby spit up on my clothes.

Do I have situations that I just cannot do anything about?

Yes

Do I have situations that are frustrating and make me want to scream?

Yes

Do I have situations where in spite of extensive planning there is one little thing that must have slipped and that is the one thing that will happen?

Yes

However, I have learnt to take it in my stride. I have learnt that things are not as bad as they seem and more importantly I have learnt that things will get better and to differentiate between situations that I can control and situations that I cannot control and for once A is not a grade I am aspiring for.