Most Indians who come to the States loose a name.To honour the memories of our grandfathers and their grandfathers or grandmothers and their grandmothers we are named after them. And as the Bengali folks say we all have "Bhalo" names. Telugu folks last names are family names. And boy oh boy do we have weird last names.. They are usually either the profession our ancestors followed, our places that they originated from or deities they worshiped etc. I am thankful for this custom because I wouldn't for the world want a father's name/husband's name attached to my name. Because I am defined by me - my name. I would not want to think I belong to my father or husband. I am not an object to belong to another human being. That way I like to have family names because I would like to think that I cannot not belong to a family. I just don't float around in ether!!!
Post marriage women are expected to change their last names to indicate that she has changed families. As is very evident in Indian marriage rituals a lot of things are changed along with the family name. Now what I fail to understand is how does the gothram change? (Gothram indicates the clan you are born into (originates to certain saintly being!!). The concept being you cannot marry into the same clan because you are in some way a sibling of everyone in the same clan.) So anyway how does the clan I am born into change after marriage? I would like to think that my children would belong to the new clan. I just wish that the Shastras had some way to accomodate this changing gotra thingy with a timestamp. Born into this gothra - married into this gothra sort of thing.
What also bothers me primarily is that by changing last names does it mean that I do not belong anymore in the family into which I was born. Am I going to shed them like an old sweater.(That we all cling to old frayed sweaters is a whole other story). In fact, if we look back to the good old days, families were inter- married. A girl is given in marriage to her mother's brother. Why would they do something like that unless the mother wants her daughter to live in the family which she grew up with and loves. Lets face it. We aren't going to love them any less. If anything, we love them even more now that we don't live there anymore. (Personally, I have got to respect my parents even more after getting married. )So why delude ourselves into thinking by just changing names our loyalties change in anyway!!!! Once again, I can drive home my point with the gazillion mega serials on our television channels, especially a certain one that my husband and I just watched a couple of months ago, with Banupriya jumping around during the credits!!!
Now coming back to Indian folks who loose names once they come to the States. My husband lost a part of his name, so did my brother. I think maybe they just picked one and said, I am done with this name. Now my case is a little different from these two... I gained a name... I inherited a middle name and a new last name. BOA couldn't fit my now wonderfully big name on my credit card so they chopped it in ways they deemed right... It bothers me with the brutality with which they hacked a name but hey..like I said, What is in a Name? Its always in the mind..
17 comments:
I don't get, I thought you are against changing last name after marriage? However you did so, where is the logic?
I am not against changing last names.. I am wondering about the significance of changing it.. Ultimately changing it is a matter of choice..
I wrote a very very very similar post a few years back :):)
Nice one. i feel the same too!
well quiet an interesting topic..i do agree that what is in a name,its always in the mind,but then lady name is also important right,because it is our identity,it says who we are...
@bg.. u did.. maybe i havent gotten a chance to look at it.
@in search of a lost soul.. I think a name is important for anyone.. Not just a woman..I dont think its any less important for a man..
I think my last name was the town/village my ancestors originated from. It doesn't even exist anymore since my grandfather was brought up in the city. But my last name is NEVER pronounced properly other than by a fellow telugu. sigh.
ya tats true....
totally agree to you lady....
tell me abt it. i love my second name which is not the last name(i dont have one). Now my dad's name is my last name and the second name i love is reduced to initials :(
So I still use what I like in orkut, fb, blog :)
> back to the good old days,
> families were inter- married. A
> girl is given in marriage to her
> mother's brother
My neighbour across got her three daughters married to her three brothers. So, its not like 'in the old days' :P
@gradwolf.. My husband's second name went away as well except for orkut as well :-)
@da Rodent.. Really!! I thought that its almost discontinued now.. Ah well my ignorance comes through
Thanks for your wishes. Your post is excellent.Like all your views it reflects your 'Na manasu'.
Blessings.
Seshu BSR Chamarty
What in the world is 'loose a name'?
it means to give it up..the loose it.
Did you delete a post?? I thought i read one about family..
by chance, I happened to read your post but couldn't refrain from commenting.
In English, we always refer to one's spouse as his/her other-half. Don't we?
Similarly our shastras say that when we are born, we take the gothram of our father. After marriage, we take the gothram of our husband. If one is blessed with a guru, the guru's star becomes ours and the rest stands void.
However coming o the original point, what better way to prove and establish the fact of being equal-halves than sharing your husband's name?
If you want a cutting-device, we have a knife. can we separate the power of cutting from knife?
To illustrate this very fact, Lord himself presents himself in the form of Ardha-naari. All this establish the equality.
We can also see all Krishna-devotees greet each other with 'Radhe krishna' and all Rama-devotees 'Sita-ram'
Is not the goddess's name followed by their respective husband's name?
Can a religion EVER get THIS-good?
When goddesses themselves are subject to this, shan't us mere-mere-mere mortals, being born bcuz of carrying the bundle of karma follow this religiously?
thank you for the explanation. I knew there would be one. In my quest to understand it I had written this post.. I really appreciate it.. Incidentally I do use my husband's last name :-D
welcome to my blog
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