Old wine in an even older bottle

It is incredibly hard for me to express my thoughts in 140 characters or less. There I have said it – I am old school. I need to publish a blog post. Ah how times have changed in the last 11 years since I started this blog!

Theri – What a blitzkrieg of promotions!!!!! So for the first time in my life I actually contemplated watching a Vijay movie in the theatre. Thankfully better sense and lack of company prevailed and I watched the movie online. In this day and age of fantastic short films and amazing directors, I cannot believe that they decided on this story line. This story is as old as the hills and the treatment is older than most hills!!! The music pre-dates the music director who made the music. It probably boils down to high expectations but all through the promotions the director kept talking about how his movie has a message and the message was that good fathers are very critical and can help shape society. Now that is indeed a good message to give to society, albeit a slightly sexist one. However, this good father message comes at the end of the movie for all of probably 2.5 minutes. The rest of the movie is a good old fashioned cop revenge story avenging the death of his loved ones. Had the treatment been different it would have still appealed to me. However, besides a hero introduction song where the hero keeps changing colored sunglasses (The biggest in-thing now. Guilty as charged) there is nothing new. For instance, the hero asks his wife what she would like in life or some such thing and she goes into this dreamy speech about wanting to live in a place without cell phone connectivity (Lady, it’s 2016 - How exactly do you propose to live this way? That too with a guy who sang – Facebook le pichikidum like and share than) and 15 seconds later she is shot dead. However, she miraculously comes back to life after the goons leave the scene of the crime to drag herself up two flights of stairs, wrap her baby in a towel, drag herself and said baby downstairs and rouse her unconscious husband and tell her that if they get the baby to the hospital in 15 minutes she will be saved AND (wait for it!!) she hands the baby to her father only after he promises to resign as a cop. She then proceeds to die, I presume but she doesn’t come back so it’s a pretty safe assumption to make. The husband who manages to save the daughter and himself could not save his wife – Again 2016!!!  Now during the process of wooing her, he woos her entire family and even welcomes them into his house with an aarti after the marriage. Miraculously after the death of his wife that family is completely AWOL!! What happened to the whole spiel about how his father – in – law is now his dad and so on?

The movie is ridden with clichés such as this and I have come to strongly believe that the team knew that they didn’t have much going so to promote the hell out of the movie. This will bring in an audience for the first few days and they can recover their investment before the Twitter and Facebook pundits words get out. 

The Paddling Duck

Have you ever seen a swimming duck - The kind that looks calm and unruffled but is paddling frantically under the water surface? That was me for the last 5 years.

For the most part of my life, I have been someone who has been in complete control of any given situation. I can predict exactly how a situation will turn out and very very rarely have I been wrong about a person. (Please note I said “Will” as opposed to “Must”. I used to be that confident in my abilities)

However all that changed a little over 4 years ago, when my older child was born. I realized very quickly, in fact early on in my pregnancy that there are some aspects of life that one just cannot control and you just have to let them happen. Now this was incredibly challenging for me, one (aka my husband) would say had been frustrating for me. It impacted me to such an extent that it took a toll on my physical health! It was basically my inability to come to terms with my lack of control.

Maybe it has to do with me growing older; maybe it has to do with me hitting rock bottom and then coming to terms with my lack of control; maybe it has to do with me being better prepared for every possible outcome of a given situation but with the birth of my second child I have mellowed down. Everyone and I mean everyone (including me) thought I would crumble rapidly after I lost the help and support of my mother who stayed with us 6 months after Vaasu was born. When my mom was leaving, I told her that I might be on the next flight over with both kids in tow. However, almost a month to the date we are all still surviving. Everyone is getting fed, bathed and put to sleep at a reasonable time. Everyone makes it to daycare in one piece and I make it to work at a reasonable time with or without some baby spit up on my clothes.

Do I have situations that I just cannot do anything about?

Yes

Do I have situations that are frustrating and make me want to scream?

Yes

Do I have situations where in spite of extensive planning there is one little thing that must have slipped and that is the one thing that will happen?

Yes

However, I have learnt to take it in my stride. I have learnt that things are not as bad as they seem and more importantly I have learnt that things will get better and to differentiate between situations that I can control and situations that I cannot control and for once A is not a grade I am aspiring for.

Play Mr.Fa Mamma

On our way into work/school this morning Big V says to me, “Mamma play Mr.Fa for me.” It didn’t take me a moment to realize exactly what he is asking for as the first time I heard that song that was exactly what I thought it was. So some 20 years after I first heard it, my older one and I sang “Mulgade shipe friendshipa…” The song ends and now his request is “Mamma I want to listen to Kokku Saiva Kokku”. Ladies and Gentlemen we have a bonafide early 90s ARR fan on our hands… Woot!! Woot!!!

PS: I am working on a longer blog post but I want to prevent this blog from dying and hence putting a quick post up!

My two groovy babies

2015! It is that time of the year - to look back and take stock. And what a year it has been… Our lives changed forever. We added a new member to the family and now it is officially complete. Veer is now 4 years old and Vaasu is now 4 months old. Each are as different as chalk and cheese and I am amazed that these two humans that I produced are each teaching me life lessons. Veer is an amazing older brother and Vaasu adores his older brother and tracks him all over the place. Developmentally, Veer has become quite a debater. He has responses for pretty much anything and I affectionately refer to him as my “Question Bank”. Vaasu is also quite a politician. He needs an audience and he will begin talking and talking. He talks to the ceiling fan, he talks to the lamps, he talks to the phone (irrespective if there is a person on it or not) and of course, if someone is in front of him then he will treat us with smiles and wonderful speeches.

I am looking forward to the fun challenges that 2016 will bring to us and watch my babies grow.  I have modified Pete the Cat’s Groovy Buttons song so it now goes:

My babies, my babies, my two groovy babies – My Veeru, My Vaasu my two groovy babies

The new normal

3.5 months with a 3.5 month old! Our life has been so extremely busy for the last quarter when we are trying to get used to the new “normal”. The older V has been a trooper and as awesome a big brother! On a developmental front Veer’s conversations have become longer and sustainable.  His conversations are now longer than a couple of sentences and filled with detail. The other day he explained to me that he wanted to listen to the BeeGees. For a moment I was confused and asked him what the BeeGees were. He then proceeded to explain about the BeeGees and that they had long hair and they sang songs and they were really cool. He explained to his grandpa about Hannukah and all the intricacies and the draidel song etc. With respect to the little V of course his milestones are much faster. He has learnt to roll over from his back to belly, however he hasn’t figured out how to roll back.

What is in a name? Apparently everything

Veer: Mom, let us name the baby Eli.

Me: Why?

Veer: If we name the baby Eli then Ms. K can say his name. If he has a Telugu name, then she can’t say it.

Me: But she says your name and your name is a Telugu name.

Veer: But she says it as Veer (Rhymes with the way people say beer)

Me: Speechless!!!

Being 3.5

You know how it is, you just get caught up with your day to day life and think – “Ooooh I must put this in the blog and I must put that in the blog” and then when you sit down to actually write the said blog post all of them go straight out of your mind!!! The biggest change that we are experiencing is the major temper tantrums that come with being 3.5. Life is changing a lot for Veer and he is reacting in ways best known to him. Life is changing a lot for D and me too and we are learning with him, learning how to help him and learning a lot about ourselves in the process. Most people who know me will say that patience is not one of my many virtues. I am learning that I now possess it by the truckloads because a toddler can and will push your buttons!!!

So how do I deal with it – Very early on in his 3.5 years of existence I realized that the best way (that works in our household) is to calmly explain to him why we are in the current situation and how crying doesn’t help. I don’t believe in bribing or distracting him because I feel that I am just postponing dealing with the problem at hand. It has worked for me in that, for the most part, we haven’t had to deal with the same tantrum twice.

Another learning point for me is that we must pick our battles. You want to wear your Superman cape, two full sleeved t-shirts and jeans to school when it is 90 degrees outside??!!!! Ok!! Go for it. You will feel hot and then hopefully stop wearing them. But it ain’t happening. He still insists on dressing like he is either headed to a job interview or a trek to the Tundras depending on the day. I know Massachusetts really doesn’t have a summer to speak off but when you are out for more than 2 hours a day playing in the playground with a sandbox I can imagine that he gets hot!

With that being said, I am thankful for each day and taking it one day at a time and learning and growing with my little big boy J

Oh Boy! Oh Boy!

Oh boy!! We have entered that phase… Yes the phase where we “hate girls”.  Driving home from work and school the other day my almost 3.5 year old and I had the following conversation.

Veer: “Mom, I like Naana and Tata but I don’t like you.”

I said to him: “And why is that?”

Veer: “Because you are a girl and I don’t like girls.” A pause followed by “But I like C. She is so pretty.”

Me: “But I love you and I will always love you.”

Veer: “OK”

The freedom of speech… Have we crossed the line?

Have blog will express an opinion seems to be the attitude these days. I mean this is my blog and I am expressing my opinion on it, however I do have some regard for how I will be perceived and what my children will think of me when they read this blog many moons from today. I find that with the onset of social media people will do/say anything for a few more likes, shares or to go viral. Opinions on everything from how awesome it is to be a stay – at – home mom to how bad it is to be a working mom, to why someone won’t wear any jewelry to indicate she is married, to what to feed kids, how to raise kids, heck even if to have kids or not, the evils of schools, the benefits of home schools, the drawbacks of home schools, the benefits of schools, disapproval of all rules associated with having periods in India, the evils of arranged marriages, the evils of marriage in general, vaccinations pro or con, how a mother – in – law can never replace a mother etc!!!!

What I find appalling is how harsh, forceful and negative all of these posts seem to be. I am opinionated however I understand that for every situation there are multiple angles and what is expressed in the post most often doesn't take into consideration ANY other perspective except what is expressed by the author. What happened to decency? What happened to courtesy? Will these people writing these blog posts say the things they write in these blogs to someone’s face? Is it the anonymity that the web provides that allows people to say these things?

All I am requesting is that people respect multiple opinions and understand that most often than not people are doing things that work best for them in their life situations! And remember people there is a little thing called ETIQUETTE.

A winter round up

A lot has been happening in the past few months that are just not possible to compress into a blog post. Amongst other things, the New England area is drowning in over 100 inches of snow. We have had several blizzards of record breaking proportions all in the month of February. It has been a lot of indoor activities for us. Veer has taken an interest with doing jigsaw puzzles. Maybe it’s the diverse range of puzzles or the fact that he can do things with his hands. I thank his awesome cousin brothers who share their gently used puzzles. It works for me because it gives me an opportunity to do some cooking, or working (which I am doing from home during these said snow blizzards) and to bond with him (I love puzzles).

He has been asking if a specific friend can come home for a playdate. (Who are you and where is my baby?) . Now, we had tried a playdate with a friend about a year ago. For the most part it was parallel play and we parents spent an awkward evening attempting polite chit chat (Anyone who knows me knows that I am terrible at polite chit chat!!). Hence, I dreaded this playdate and put off coordinating it. Finally one long weekend, I gave in. I felt that it would take pressure off everybody if we met up at a play yard (and not homes) and it was great!!! The kids played together and we moms chatted while watching them. I think I see many more playdates in our future.

On the conversation front we have such hilarious conversations. For instance, one evening he told me that he doesn’t want to wear any clothes and then proceeded to spend the next half hour running around the house in his underwear! Another evening, he wanted to wear his Superman pyjamas, with his Superman cape, his Superman socks and Superman shoes to bed. LOL!!

One of my goals for the New Year was to do more child led learning.We are working on books that he picks to read and find that it is easier and less challenging learning time. I am also noticing that this child lead learning is helping him actually learn more stuff and less tears!!

Now I am desperately praying for warmer climes

A time to recollect

The year is coming to an end and it’s a time for recollection and a time for setting new goals. We had our parent-teacher evaluation meeting with Veer’s teachers this week. I am proud to say that Veer is on par or average with his peers!!! As a first-time mom who always doubts herself, this was a reassurance more for me than for him. I have learnt sooooooo much about myself and learnt to do things differently. Children are amazing reminders to stop and take it slow and learn and observe.

2014 watched my baby turn into a little boy. Not just physically, but his personality is starting to come out as well. I cannot wait for the fun challenges and experiences that the next year has in store for us. And as he has been teaching me from when he was in my belly – You cannot plan anything for your children and hence no specific goals or milestones for 2015. I am going to focus more on child-led learning and work with him on his interests.

For Everything else there is Mastercard...

Over the Thanksgiving week we did a trip to Orlando and Miami. Now a Disney trip is a momentous occasion in a person’s life and I couldn’t wait to see how Veer would fare. Lil Veer (not so little anymore – He turned 3 in November) has basically flipped out when he has seen any of the characters in their life size avatars. Veer loves Elmo, on a trip to New York a few months ago we took him to Times Square so he could take a picture with Elmo and the kid clung to my neck, burst out into tears and refused to even look at Elmo. With this and many such similar experiences, I was dreading Disney. However, a tiny part of me figured that if I speak to him about it, I could prepare him for it and maybe it wouldn’t be soooo bad. So I told him about how Mickey and co are actually really tall and taller than his dad and me. But they are really nice and he shouldn’t be afraid. For weeks, Veer kept telling himself that he will not be scared of Mickey. On the day off, I was still dreading it and we actually had to stand in line to see Mickey who was inside and not roaming the streets of Magic Kingdom like the other Disney characters. When it was our turn lil Veer was soooo brave and he shook hands and high fived and said he wanted to touch Mickey’s nose (which Mickey was nice enough to let him do.)

I am incredibly proud of my little man for overcoming his fears. And I felt glad that Veer’s first experience at Disney was a fruitful one and hopefully when we bring him back a few years from now I will sit in dread as he rides Space Mountain.

Veer Says...

One day, I showed up at Veer’s daycare in gym pants and a t-shirt. The weather permits me to wear a jacket and hence I could get away with the t-shirt. As soon as I enter Veer’s class –

Veer: Mamma why are you wearing gym pants?

Me: Because I came from home baby.

A while later, in the car on the ride home

Veer: For my birthday party you can wear gym pants.

Me: But I want to wear jeans papa.

Veer: You can wear a saree.  You can look pretty in a saree mamma.

We went to a friend’s birthday party this weekend. The little girl I am assuming was tired at the end of the party…

Me: Thank S for the party Veer.

Veer: Thank you S.

We got home and Veer was reporting the party to dad.

Veer: Naana, S didn’t say your welcome to me.

We are just getting over a stomach bug which involved many sleepless nights, multiple doctor visits and an emergency room visit. On the first day back to school I was telling Veer about the benefits of washing his hands to avoid going to the doctor again.

Me: Veer amma, you must wash your hands when you go pee pee or potty.

My Mom (On Phone): Veer wash your hands when you come back from playing and before eating food

(Basically, my mom and I were bombarding him with instructions)

Veer: Mamma, I am wearing a diaper today, I don’t need to wash my hands when I go pee pee.

I want to be an engineer too

The other day Veer & D visited me in the office and he finally saw that his mom works in the “office” just like his dad does. (I suspect he thought that I just kinda wandered around after dropping him at daycare) Now on an aside, two people that Veer absolutely adores is D’s brother (Dr. Karthik) and for some strange reason his pediatrician Dr.Monica. We have spent many evenings where I am getting a shot and Band-Aid because Dr.Veer is “being Dr.Monica”.  This has lead me to believe that Veer always wanted to be a doctor. So the other day, that Veer visited me in the office we were chatting about what Mamma and Naana did. I told him that we were both engineers. And all of a sudden he went – I want to be an engineer like Mamma & Naana!! I thought that this was just a passing phase where he learnt a new word. So a few days later, I asked him again:

Me: Veer, what do you want to be when you grow up? A doctor like Peddanana, Dr. Monica and tata or a lawyer like the other tata or an engineer like Mamma & Naana.

V: I want to be an engineer like Mamma & Naana.

I am of course immensely proud because he wants to grow up like his mom and dad. Both my husband and I chose to be engineers and actually had to negotiate a bit with our respective families to become engineers. I am sure that when the time comes Veer will chose his career and I will fondly remember this interesting conversation that my little baby and I had.

Mommy Musings - Meals - Cooking and Eating Them

I am a huge foodie though I am not a fan of actually cooking it. Let me rephrase that – I love to eat but not cook. I have never felt interested in collecting recipes, buying ingredients or possessing the right equipment to even cook. Don’t get me wrong – I have been cooking since I was 21 and on a fairly regular basis since I have been married but it was more to subsist with the bare bones minimum and take out. My poor husband hasn't complained ever (and for this I give him credit.)

However, all this changed in 2011 when a little man came into my life and more when he started solids at some point in 2012. My little Veer has forced me to start reading labels and ensure that I get “clean” (less processed or unprocessed food) into him.  I don’t plan to turn into one of those vigilante moms and he does get treats like chocolates or popsicles and if I had the time I would cook his morning waffles from scratch, however I am ensuring that the popsicles are all fruit based and the waffles are whole grain or whole wheat.

Veer is an extremely poor eater and in the past meal times have turned into battles. I have now come to realize that I don’t want to make meal times about traumatic experiences and arguments because a toddler can and will push your buttons. (It took me only ~ three years to come to this realization). In typical “desi-mom” style I think my kid doesn’t eat at all during the day when he is in daycare. There are days when this is the case and therefore I attempt to feed him a proper meal at dinner.  Earlier there were Veer meals and there were mom and dad meals. Now that he is approaching three I think that it is important that we have more family style meals and eat together at the table. Getting dinner on the table at a reasonable time is no ordinary feat.  I have come to realize that it involves lots of planning - this is isn’t just cooking dinner but actually planning ahead on what meals need to be made and buying the required vegetables and other ingredients over the weekend. (I hold down a full time job and a toddler’s social life which includes swim lessons, pick-up and drop from daycare and playdates). But like my baby, I am learning and taking baby steps. I can now say that I have a good enough pantry to make most Indian food.

My goals for the next few months include

• Making my own yogurt
• Preparing some menu items over the weekend to enable spending more time with Veer on the weekend.
• Making some Veer specific snacks which will interest him in eating during the day and not waiting till the end of the day to feed him dinner.

Conversations

A lot has been happening in the last few weeks. Little Veer has begun making huge strides in terms of speech. Every day is a new discovery for me. For instance yesterday I was talking to my mother whom Veer calls “Ammamma”.

Me: Veer do you want to talk to my mother?

Veer: No. I want to talk to Naana’s uncle. (Naana calls my dad uncle)

Me: Ok, cool. Say hi.

Veer: Can I see my tata? (Veer calls my dad Tata.)

Me: No ma. You can’t see Tata on the phone.

Veer: How about on Skype???

I wasn’t even aware that he knew that Naana’s Uncle and Tata are the same person. And Skype will let him see his Tata.

Muddy Puddles - Puddle Jumping

Veer is currently going through a Peppa Pig obsession and everything he does is what Peppa does on her show. We are having some seasonal rain out bursts here in New England and sure enough when I went to pick Veer up he was coated in dirt and his shoes and socks were sopping wet. Without even asking him I knew the answer – Peppa and her family jump in muddly puddles when it rains!! I then asked him why he jumped in puddles without wearing rain boots (which Peppa and her family wear). This morning as I was putting on  his Crocs (to enable jumping in muddy puddles without wetting shoes) I asked him if he was going to jump in muddy puddles and he went into his closet and pulled out his oversized rain boots that he wanted to bring to school with him to jump in muddy puddles. For the first time in my adult life I prayed for rain so my baby can jump in muddy puddles.

Summer 2014

So many things have happened in the last few weeks. I keep thinking that I should document it on this blog and then life comes in the way… So I thought I will document a quick high level summary.

Veer has been in preschool for about 3 weeks and the transition has been surprisingly easy. I am almost scared to say how he has taken to preschool. However, I do get the feeling that he is a little overwhelmed. He isn’t the super star that he used to be in Toddlers.

Veeru graduated the first level of swim classes and they had the kids do an adorable graduation walk in the pool… I cannot believe my baby is growing up sooo fast. We start the next session in the fall.

We took a trip to the Cape this weekend. My husband and I were raised in the coastal city of Madras/Chennai and we both love the water. (Though I suspect D likes it more for his Florida memories) Veer on the other hand flipped out! He was a lot happier making sandcastles on the beach. He was good for the approx. 3 hours that we were driving which totally baffled me.

Last but not the least, the hugest milestones of them all – We relinquished our white cuppy (Feeding bottle) for the paalu. S (The only baby who is younger than V) fictiously inherited them. This is a huge change and we are facing quite some resistance as this was the one thing V held onto as a security blanket.

My conversations with Veer are getting more meaningful by the day. As divine retribution, some of these are exactly things I said to my mom many many moons ago.

As we were getting ready to leave for school one morning and I was handing him his lunch box:

V: Mommy what is for lunch today?

Me: Idly

V: Again. We ate idly last night for dinner.

My baby is growing up! I cannot believe my little baby is growing up to be a little boy. I want my baby to be a baby for a little while longer. I am trying to squeeze as much summer as I can into the last few weeks of it that we have here in New England

Single Parenting & Traveling Singly

The past week was a first for us in a certain way – I had to do international trip and left Veer behind with his dad. Now, I have traveled internationally when Veer was a little baby but he was a lot less mobile, slept most of the day and his maternal grandmom was around to help.  Veer goes to full time day care so he would be occupied most of the day during the week. But these guys had a couple of weekends without mom and that was what I was most nervous about.

I have traveled for 27 years before Veer appeared in the picture. However, the whole time I was travelling I had the feeling that I was missing something, and I was - No stroller, diaper bag, medicines or toys!!!! Going through the dreaded (and terribly, terribly, terribly slow!!) security check was a breeze and was completed in around 15 minutes (Most of which involved watching slow and incompetent travelers one of whom had a whole pineapple in his hand luggage!!) On the flight, I was able to actually watch inflight entertainment (OK, I slept the whole 20 hour flight to and from India).

I missed my baby, my fellow traveler. I missed his curious questions; I missed observing old things in a new way through his eyes. When he and I went to India earlier this year, everything was a new and awesome experience. He was curious about the planes, the train ride between terminals, his ability to watch lungi dance on the tv in front of his seat, autos in Chennai, cows on the road – All the stuff I take for granted and run with…

I missed my baby!!

And here is what Dad had to say:

Mahathi was out on a whirlwind trip to India last week and it was just Veer and I. I would say that the entire operation was a success but slightly tiring on some days. Weekdays were easier than weekends, since both of us had full days. Veer kind of understood that it was just the two of us and cooperated well. 

Preparing his lunch was the key. I wrote down things on a sheet of paper what I wanted to pack and followed it. Cannot forget the water bottle, cannot forget the main course. I didn't forget to give him his shoes since they started play ball last week. But I completely forgot that he needed his crocs. Veer ended up using a girl's pink sandals!

But we had a lot of fun. Each evening we made sure we did something fun. One day we went to Friendly's for ice cream. Another day to the local reservoir to watch the waterbirds. We ate Popsicle with Tony thatha and Tazzie bow-bow. 

My biggest fear was if he fell sick, but luckily no such thing happened. 

Dropping him earlier than usual was challenging for him a bit: he had to get up earlier. Pick up was not too bad. I was able to leave earlier (had no meetings scheduled later in the day). I think he enjoyed his time with me as well. 

Koffee with Veer

Driving home last evening from work we had the following conversation

Me: Veeru, I am hungry ra.

Veer: Mamma, go drink your coffee

A few minutes later,

Me: Veer, you start preschool next month. You are becoming a big boy man.

Veer: Mom, I don't want to go to preschool. I want to go to college.